


Love you through it all

by Eriklover7502



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Angst, Drinking, Eventual Smut, F/M, Longing, Sadness, Singing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-11
Updated: 2016-12-20
Packaged: 2018-08-30 08:43:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8526475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eriklover7502/pseuds/Eriklover7502
Summary: Negan takes me from the group the hilltop for slacking on supplies for three weeks in a row. He makes me one of his wives, and all seems well.. at least that's what they think





	1. Silent tears

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own anything, and I'm sorry for any Grammer mistakes. I also ask that you all be nice I'm not a grand author I just do this for fun. Also I do not know all of negans wives names so I made one up please bear with me

" Brittany hey Brittany ." I hear softly as someone nudged my shoulder. It was sherry she sat on the edge of my bed already dressed I opened my eyes, and sat straight up realizing I slept in again. 

" oh my gosh what time is it?" I asked kinda panicked. It seemed I was the only wife who had trouble getting up at a decent time. 

" it's OK it's only 10 I got up a little earlier to make sure you got up at a good time." She said with a little hint of teasing in her voice. I was wife number 5, and had only been here a couple months. I became wife number 5 about a month ago. I really liked the others, and got along with them, since I was the youngest they always looked out for me. 

" oh I'm so sorry this has got to be getting old." I say sounding a bit embarrassed. 

" well if you would go to bed at a normal time. " sherry said with a little giggle. " but I understand,what are you doing up so late anyway?" She asked giving me an unsure look.  
I push the covers off trying to avoid her stare. " I don't really know reading, day dreaming." I say sounding a bit unsure myself

Sherry shakes her head " you are so strange, but it's OK do what you want as long as you don't break any rules, now go take a shower, and get dressed negan is going on a run today, and is coming to see us all before he goes." She says tossing a pink knee length dress, panties, a bra, and some flip flops In my lap. 

I sigh, and gather all of it in my arms, walking through the door she held open for me I walk into the wife " commom room" where each of our rooms where connected too. Everyone else was already awake as well I give them a warm smile before heading out to the showers. As I walk down the hall I think of how much things have changed since negan took me from the hilltop. they had slacked off on supplies for the third week in a row, so negan took me along with all they had for the next week. It wasn't necessarily unpleasant here either negan treated us well, and did his best too keep us in nice clothes, shoes, and other womanly items. I guess he wants his wives too look pretty. I open the door to exit the building, and head to the showers. The sun was bright, shielding my eyes I run across the gravel concrete to reach the showers quicker. As I turn the nob I hear all nearby talk go silent, I turn My head just in time to see everyone kneel, and negan walk by with lucille resting on his shoulder. He's dressed in his usual jeans, and leather jacket that was unzipped to show a grey tshirt along with his boots and, that red scarf he always wore for some reason his hair was also slicked back. I smiled weakly to myself as he walked by he obviously hadn't seen me, I wondered where he was going looking so flawless. he always looked flawless even though I've been his wife for over a month now I was always shy around him, and often found myself at a loss for words when he talked to me. I finally take my eyes off negan, and go into the building where some other women were showering i set my things down, and undress I reach for the shower knob to turn on the warm water. I let out a soft groan as it poured over me, I reach for the shampoo, and wash my hair, and body with it. As I'm about to turn off the water I hear the other women whispering. 

" isn't that one of negans wives?" One whispers to another. " yeah I think so she's so quiet have you ever heard her talk?" One asks in kind of a snotty tone. " I think so, maybe to one of his other wives she seems so shy." I hear the last one say before I turn off the water. 

I grab a towl, and dry quickly I put on the clothes sherry gave me, ignoring their stares I brush my long blonde locks letting them fall into waves around my creamy pale shoulders. I rush out of the building quickly as I hurry back to the common room I run into Dwight.

" oh i...I'm sorry I didn't mean to get in your way." I say nervously  
" it's OK ." He says warmly. " are you all right?" He asks with a hint of concern to his voice.  
" yeah I'm fine i was just told to hurry cause negan wants to see us before he goes on the run with you guys." I say trying to sound confident.  
" actually that has been post poned til tomorrow." His eyes look down to his feet.  
" oh!" I look at him surprised. " is everything ok?" I ask with an uncomfortable tone  
" yeah its all good." His eyes move back up to meet mine. " just a little misunderstanding. "  
" I see." I look to the right, and I see sherry ushering me to come on.  
" well I got to go it was nice talking to you ." I say wanting to get away fast. He gives me a nod, and I walk over to sherry whose waiting for me. I follow her into the hall, walking quickly to catch up.  
" hey I thought negan was suppose to go on a run today?" I ask with a hint of annoyance  
" he was but I guess plans changed so today is just a normal day ." Sherry says with a shrug of her shoulders  
" whose night is it tonight?" I ask trying to keep my voice strong. Obviously sherry noticed cause she stopped, and turned to look at me.  
" Emilys why?" I notice the suspicious tone in her voice.  
" I just forgot my night that's all." I smile trying to shrug it off  
Sherry furrows her brows " you know something about your nights differs from everyone elses." She states as we begin to walk again. My heart starts pounding.  
" how come I never hear moaning, or anything like that?" I raise my eyebrows as she continues. " we all know what negan usually comes for, and let's be real since we are grown, and live very close we can hear each other I have never heard you." She declares as we reach the door to our common room.  
" is he not pleasing you?" She whispers. My eyes shift from side to side as I try to answer her question, realizing I had no choice I bite my lip as I glance down to my feet  
" uuum wwwell we haven't, I haven't ." Studdering I look back up to meet her shocked gaze slowly.  
" WHAT?!" Sherry exclaims louder than I think she ment too. " you haven't had sex with him? Are you a virgin?" She asks surprised with wide eyes.  
Taken back by her question I give her an annoyed look I mean I know I'm a little on the shy side, but come on.  
" no I'm not. " I say flatly as I reach for the door knob. As I turn the knob, and walk in i see a late breakfast on the table, realizing I'm starving I walk over to eat, sitting down I hear sherry coming to sit with me. " then why haven't you had sex with him?" Sherry asks in asks hushed whisper. I look around, and I notice none of the other wives are here. " ok why are you whispering?" I asks not trying to hide the fact that I'm put off. I stuff a huge bite of food in my mouth hoping to avoid answering her questions for a minute.  
" seriously why haven't you?" She asks avoiding my question. " are you scared? I choke on my oatmeal  
" what?" I asks my voice squeaky from inhaling my food due to her overly personal questions. " no no I'm not scared." I say washing my food down with water.  
" you know it's not.... bad." She says obviously unsure of how to say it. " he will make you feel good, he really knows what he's doing." I put up a hand to stop her  
" I know that sherry trust me I can hear you, and not to mention the other girls every time he visits you, I'm surprised you find time to breath between all those OH NEGANS." I say slightly raising my voice. Sherry glances down, and I see her cheeks get a red tint. She rolls her eyes  
" ok then why haven't you?" I pick up my finished breakfast dishes, and sigh  
" because I'm just not ready." I reveal my voice dropping. I stand up, and walk to the door to take my dishes back to cafeteria, not able to talk about this anymore.  
" hey?" Sherry snaps to attention " can we not tell anyone? I'm sure negan doesn't want everyone to know that one of his wives hasn't even slept with him." Sherry nods as I walk out the door.  
As I'm walking down the hall I fight back tears that wasn't something I was ready to reveal. I know in my mind there nothing to be scared of, I know negan knows how to please a woman, and I definitely find him attractive. Oh did I ever find him attractive the man was beautiful in every way. I mean I know he can be mean, possessive, and just down right cruel sometimes. I've seen what he can do to people with lucille, but the longer I'm here the less I seem to care about that. He treats us all really well, and has always been so understanding about me saying no to sex. I don't know why I won't just do it ,to be honest I wanted too. When I'm near him I get Tingley in all the right places, hell just from seeing him earlier I had to fight back the urge to reach down, and give myself pleasure. The sound of his voice always made the hairs on my arms, and neck stand up even if he wasn't talking directly to me. I was honestly kind of looking forward to seeing him later even though he wasn't there to see me. I always liked to get an extra glimpse of him before he leaves the compound, just in case it's the last time I see him. My eyes well up at the thought, which also makes me wonder why I can't bring myself to sleep with him. If I can't fathom losing him why wouldn't I indulge in him. I shake my head, and collect myself before walking into the cafeteria to return my dishes. 

The rest of the day seemed to drag on, after i returned my dishes this morning I decided to go for a walk around the compound for some air, and maybe I'd see negan while i was walking. I was walking torwards the gardens when I did see negan he was talking to his saviors about the run tomorrow I assume. I didn't realize then, but I had stopped, and was watching him, taking him all in. He made everything he did, and said sound so erotic even when he wasn't meaning too. The way he walked in long strides as he had lucille hoisted on his shoulder, talking in that deep, gravely yet smooth voice of his. It was truly a feast for the senses, for me at least.  
" well what do we have here?" I snapped out of my trance to see negan looking right at me. " well are ya gonna stand there, and stare some more, or come to fucking talk to me?" He said half teasing  
My feet started moving all by themselves it seemed, and before I know it I'm right in front of him.  
" hey doll whatcha doin out here?" He asked with that devilish grin that made me weak.  
" jjjjust going on a walk." I feel my cheeks grow hot " what about you?" I ask trying to sound confident, but of course nothing gets passed negan. He chuckled  
" well nothing that concerns that pretty little head of yours sweetheart, but thanks for fucking asking I guess." I give him a weak smile my eyes slide over to the collar of his jacket, and I notice it was popped up which was one of negans pet peaves. I slowly reach my hand up, and pop it down. He grabs my wrist  
" what in the Holy fuck do you think you are doing little girl." He asks with a stern tone ,and cross look on his face. I suck in my breath  
" iim sorry I just noticed your jacket was messed up, and i remembered you don't like it so i thought I'd fix it." I try my best to not seem like a scared puppy. He let's me go.  
" well i guess that's not all that bad just don't do that fucking shit in front of the compound." He says matter of factly stuffing a leather gloved hand in his pocket. I nodded, and smiled. I look up to see the sun setting, it must be dinner time.  
" cmon." He says motioning with his head toward the cafeteria " let's get dinner, and I will walk you back to the common room."  
" you sure? I can get it for you, and bring it to you." I offer innocently. He sighs  
" Listen doll if that's what I wanted I'd fucking ask." I look down at my feet, he grabs my chin, and makes me look at him. I feel like I'm gonna melt when he gives that sly smile  
" but you are so fucking cute, and innocent I can barely be annoyed with you." He purrs caressing my chin. I bite my lip, and feel heat pool below my waist. With one last motion of his head I follow him to the cafeteria. 

It had been a couple hours since dinner, and I had been sitting on the common room couch next too Maria reading an outdated magazine. The thought of his visit with Emily created knots in my stomach. Emily seemed somewhere between wanting to get it over with, and excited. I know all the wives were at least a little excited on their nights cause they were gonna come out of it feeling good. I was taken from my thoughts by negan coming in. He gave us all an acknowledging smile, or nod. When I looked up from my magazine to meet his eyes, he gave me a wink that made my heart skip a beat. I smiled back warmly I think I was actually beaming more than I wanted too. He grabbed Emilys hand, and took her to her room. My smile faded I tried to not let the others see my reaction so I go back to my magazine. 

No more than 15 minute's later I can barely hear myself think. Damn negan works fast Emily was moaning so loud I swear the whole compound could hear her. The knots in my stomach were growing, and before I realized it my eyes were pooled with tears. I touched my fingers to them, and gasped. I quickly threw my magazine down startling the others, and rushed towards the door before they could see. How did it seem i was the only one bothered by this I felt so dumb.  
" Brittany where are you going?" Sherry asked concerned.  
" I just need some air." I say quickly hoping my voice don't crack, before she could say anything else i was already walking quickly down the hallway.  
When I reached the door to go outside I stumbled out of it , falling on my knees not noticing the sting of hitting the concrete. I could still hear Emilys sounds of pleasure, but at least it was more bearable now. I moved myself to sit by the building in the shadows, with my face buried in my knees. I felt something warm trickle down my arm, and I notice theres blood it must have been from my fall. I didn't care I couldn't shake off how dumb, and weak I felt. The others don't seem phased by this at all yet I am. It's probably because I'm a weak, emotional, little baby, I shake my head ,fighting back tears for what felt like the millionth time.  
After about 2 hours of sitting outside the moaning finally faded off I was shivering, and chipping dried blood off my arms. I stand up, and open the door to go back in. As I step inside, and start walking down the hall I see a dark figure coming my way. The figure became more visable, and I realized it was negan. I turn my head away hoping I wasn't in trouble for being out after dark. As our footsteps meet he stops me, snakes his arm around the front of my waist, and pulls me to his side, and hugs me. Shocked I returned the hug, and he nuzzled into my cheek while his thumbs caressed the part of my waist he was holding. I squeeze him a little tighter absolutely basking in the contact, and hoping he doesn't hear my single tear that I could no longer hold in hit the collar of his jacket


	2. Heavens so far away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all are enjoying this and I really appreciate the feed back!!

Breaking away from negan's hug I walk away without looking back, even though I could feel his eyes on me. I didn't even raise my hand to wipe the few tears that managed to escape. When I reached the door to the common room I sighed, and walked in trying to appear strong. I was immediately the center of awkward stares my heart sank, trying to look away I return to my spot on the couch before someone finally spoke up. 

" hey welcome back." Emily said warmly. I look up at her, and give her a confident smile.

" uh thanks ." I say awkwardly trying to appear to be teasing. She gets up, and claims the spot next to me, sliding her arm around me like a mother who was trying to comfort her heartbroken daughter. It took everything I had to maintain my composure. 

" if you don't mind me asking dear, what was that all about?" She asks like she already knows the answer, realizing I'm sick of looking like this child in distress all the time I step up my game. 

I chuckled. " I just got really overwhelmed no offense Emily, but I couldn't hear myself think over all that, and I've only been a wife for a month it kinda takes some getting used too." I say trying to hide the annoyance in my voice, as she gives me a playful smirk.

" well seeing as you are so quiet I'm not surprised that loud sounds overwhelm you." My eyes widen a little realizing what she was referring to, I open my mouth to speak but am cut off by sherry. 

" oh my gosh!" She exclaimed making me jump a little. " what happened?" She asks, pointing to my arm. I look down at my arm that was covered in blood, and scratches from my fall. She rushes over to me to take a look. 

" I tripped when I got outside, it was dark I couldn't see very well." I said nonchalantly. Sherry looks up to give me an uncertain look, before continuing to examine my arm. Now that I wasn't wrapped in emotion it did sting a bit. 

" we need to take you to negan to get this cleaned up, if we wait til tomorrow, other compound might see it, and think you were bit." Emily chimes in never releasing me from her hold. Before I had time to process her words, it feels like someone lit my insides on fire, and I jump off the couch in panic.

Throwing my arms up in front of me In protest. " NO!" I exclaim earning me a look of surprise from everyone. " I'm fine, it's just a little blood thats making it look worse than it is." I say my heart pounding. 

" honey." Sherry says calmly taking a Suttle step toward me. " it needs to be looked at, there are a couple puncture wounds from you falling on the gravel so hard." She says placing a comforting arm on my shoulder 

" then why can't I go to the med station?" I ask in a cross between annoyed, and anxious. 

" because its late." Emily cuts in obviously getting frustrated with my refusal. " that could get infected, if we let you wait til tomorrow we could all get in trouble, because the doctor at the med station would tell negan anyway, and he would wonder why we didn't take you to him when he's just a floor above us, you are going. " Emily says her voice sounding stern. It's obvious I had no choice.

Sherry wraps her arms around my shoulders. " come on." she motions towards the door. I rolled my eyes, and went with her. When we exited the room, and started down the hall way to the stairs, sherry took a breath, and cut the silence. 

" Brittany what is wrong with you?" She asks in a prying voice. " you seem to avoid negan at all costs, why? 

I shrugged my shoulders. " I really don't ." I say looking to my feet. Sherry stopped me in front of the stairs, even though it was dark I could tell her face was cross. 

" oh come on!" She exclaims. " anytime he's mentioned you freeze, you will barely look him in the eye, not to mention the lack of intimacy, something is not right." She says accusingly. At this point I am beyond annoyed 

" STOP prying at me!" I say forcefully. " This is all still kinda new I'm just in a weird adjusting point that's all, so how about you, and everyone else leave me the hell alone." I say softening a little. We stood there in uncomfortable silence for a minute, then proceeded up the stairs. I regretted getting cross with sherry almost immediately, I know deep down she just cares. 

" Brittany." Sherry finally says softly as we reach the top of the steps. " you seem so different than the rest of us, even negan notices that." I perk up to the mention of his name. " you are so young, and sweet it seems you have a little bit of light, and innocence left to you, in a world like this that's kinda refreshing, ya know?" We stop in front of negan's room. 

" we just want you to be OK." She says calm yet concerned. Her words touched honestly touched me, I grabbed her hands, and gave them a gentle squeeze. 

" I promise I'm fine." I try to instill some relief in her. " and if I need to talk to you I will come to you." I say trying to hide the sadness in my voice, cause deep down I knew I was lying. Sherry gives me a weak smile, and knocks on negan's door. 

" WHO in the fuck is knocking on my fucking door this time of fucking night." Negan bellowed out. I give sherry an annoyed look that's slightly panicked. 

" you didn't tell me this would make him mad." I say in a hushed whisper. Sherry rolled her eyes.

" he'd be madder if we didn't say something you have to pick your battles when it comes to him." She whispers back blandly. I raise my eyebrows. 

" I'm sorry but someone's hurt, and I wanted to bring it to your attention." I honestly felt jealous at sherrys confidence, it didn't seem negan phased her at all. 

" which one of you broke a fucking nail this time." Sherry gave an annoyed sigh. 

" Noone broke a nail, can I just let her in?" Sherry asks not trying to hide her frustrations. 

" well I guess I have no fucking choice do i." Sherry rolled her eyes as she grabbed my hand, and turned the knob to let me in. She led me to go in front of her, I step in, and my eyes immediately run the room over. I had never been in negan's room, well more like office maybe? There was a brown desk, that was scattered with some papers, and writing utensils. I looked down to see some light off blue carpet. Sherry led me to sit on a black, and brown leather couch that had a glass see through coffee table in front of it. Next to the couch there was a tall lamp with a brown shade and then a few steps by that there was a book shelf against the wall. The walls were all white, and there was a file cabinet behind his desk that went off to the right a little. It honestly looked nice, as I'm still taking in my surroundings I hear a door open, I look to my left, and see negan coming out of a door that connected to the office that I had failed to notice upon entering the room. Negan comes out pulling a white tshirt down over his torso, that met with his jeans that were riding low on his hips. I swallow silently, and avert my gaze to the coffee table. 

Negan stopped in his tracks when he saw me, and my blood covered arm. He folded his arms across his chest as he spoke to me 

" well what in the Holy fucking hell happened to you?. He asks with a stern deep tone. Sherry started to speak for me, but negan cut her off. 

" I didn't ask you, she can speak for her damn self." He never took his eyes off me, and the heat of his gaze made me shiver. " you can go back with the others sherry, I will walk her back it appears we need to talk." Negan said gruffly uncrossing his arms, walking toward his file cabinet. Sherry nodded at him, patted me on the shoulder, and with a weak smile she left us. When the door finally closed. Negan spoke again as he ruffled through his cabinet drawer. 

" so doll, you wanna tell me how you fucked your arm up like that?" He turns to me holding some antiseptic, cotton balls, and gauze. I look up to his eyes which were beating down on me. 

" iii fell outside a little while ago, and ." Negan cuts Me off 

" ok listen sweet heart this fucking studdering business needs to stop, while I'm not happy about being woke up to kiss fucking boo boos on a woman who has two left feet, I'm not gonna fucking hurt you, so collect yourself, and tell me what happened." He says as he picks up my arm to examine it. Even though his touch was warm it gave me goosebumps. Negan must have noticed cause he gave me a smirk. 

" are you cold, or just happy to see me?" He says smoothly, moving closer to me. I look down at my lap to avoid his gaze. My heart feels like it's gonna jump out of my chest. 

" it is a little cold in here." I say uncertain looking back up to him. Negan chuckled, and shook his head. Still holding my arm he takes a cotton ball, and pours antiseptic on it.

" this may sting a little doll." He states before starting to dab at my wounds. As I nod he starts cleaning it up, and I wince. 

" holy fuck honey you did a number on yourself." He says surprised. " how in the fuck did you fall this hard?" I sigh not wanting to answer that  
" I fell when I was passing through the door to go outside, it was dark, I tripped and kinda slammed down." I say calmly. Negan raises an eyebrow at me. 

" how long ago was this?" He ask appearing to realize something. 

I shrug my shoulders. " I don't know a few hours I think." I say weakly 

" so when I came to visit Emily?" He asked starting to wrap my arm up. I nodded worrying about where this was going. He finally finished, and placed the medical supplies on the coffee table. He moved close enough to me to where our knees were touching. I bit my bottom lip. 

" why did you go outside baby girl?" He asks in a tone that's panty droppingly smooth. I push my bangs out of my eyes trying to not turn into mush. 

" well it was loud, and I got overwhelmed so I left." I say strengthening my composure. Negan seemed to be amused. Which honesty was starting to irratate me. 

" you know you can think what you want, but not everyone wants to hear that." I say slightly raising my voice with aggravation. " we get it, you are God's gift to women in bed." I stand up and walk to the other side of the room. He scowls at me. " do you want a cookie?" I say mockingly throwing my arms out beside me, shrugging my shoulders. 

Negan brought his hand to ruffle his beard on his chin. " hmm seems this fucking innocent little girl has a fucking smart ass mouth". He starts to stand up, and slowly walk my way. I don't know if I was scared, or excited.. a little of both I think. I stiffen

" I don't know if I like that." He says dangerously low as he leans inches away from me with his hand next to my head. I could feel his breath on my lips, he moves his other hand to my throat, and caresses down my collar bone just above my breasts. My breathing had become staggered. 

" your skin is as soft as September rain baby girl." I began to shake as he moved closer. The look of pure lust in his eyes. By this point every nerve in my body was on point, the hairs on my arms, and neck had stood up. My panties felt like they had been dipped in water, and my core felt like a volcano aching to explode. He took his hand off my chest, and snaked it around my waist pulling me to him. His lips met my throat, and I let out a soft moan. His knee moved itself in between my legs holding them apart. Moving the strap of my dress down he careesed my shoulder, and arm with the tips of his fingers. I whimper, and bite my lip desperately trying to maintain control 

" ohh princess if you would let me i would make you feel so fucking good." He says kissing down my chest. I seize up, and life his chin to look at me. Shaking, I slowly shake my head. 

" ok ok you don't have too if you don't want too." He takes his knee from between my thighs, I whine at the loss of contact. 

" we better get you back my savoirs, and me are going on a run tomorrow." He says grabbing lucille. Trying to get what happened out of my head I turn quickly, and grab the knob. As I slowly open the door he slams it back shut with the head of lucille with a loud thud that startled me. I feel his body pressed against my back, his impressive erection rubbing at my thigh.

" I don't know why you won't fucking give in, cause you know as well as I do that you want it." He says in my ear, sending electric bolts down my spine right to my already soaked core. " but when you do finally let me have you, I'm gonna make sure you are screaming my name so loud that the other wives will sound quiet in comparison... for ever." He says kissing my cheek. He removes lucille from the door, and allows me to open it. He goes ahead, with lucille on his shoulder, i follow behind him. 

We reach the door to the common room, and he motions for me to go inside with his head. I start to go in, and as he is walking away I turn to watch him 

" negan!" I yell after him. He turns his head to look over his shoulder at me. " please.. be careful tomorrow." I say in a tone that I have never heard. He raises his eyebrows, and gives me a nod. I watch him walk away praying this wouldn't be the last time I saw him.


	3. I'll be watching you

"hey" I hear a voice say softly waking me out of my sleep. It was Dwight I wipe the sleep from my eyes, and sit up slowly turning my head to see it was still dark out.

"what time is it?" I ask through a yawn.  
"3am." Dwight whispers motioning for me to get up, and follow him. Realising that they just got back from their run I stand up abruptly hoping nothing was wrong. Worry jolted through me like a bolt of ligtning. 

"is everything ok, where is everyone." I scuttle toward Dwight in a panic, he quickly leads me through the wives common room by my wrist. Once we are in the hall he closes the door quietly, and turns on his flashlight. He shines it in front of us lighting our way as we start to walk.

"soooo?" I ask impatiently slapping his arm.  
"oh nothing is wrong, everyone is fine." He waves a hand at me nonchalantly. I stop in my tracks, and run my tounge along the inside of my cheek. 

"then why in the hell Am I awake, stomping through this hallway with you?" I put my hands on my hips. He turns to face me, and shines his flashlight in my eyes. I scrunch my face, and raise my hands to shield my eyes from the blinding flash 

"negan wants to see you." He said obviously wanting me to stop asking questions, and just come on.

"Why?" My eyes widen with anxiety. I catch up to Dwight just as we reached the stairs. 

"I don't know, do you think I question him?" Dwight shrugs his shoulders, and I shake my head in response. As we continue to negans office thoughts race through my head at light speed wondering what was so important. Was I in trouble? Did I break a rule? Did the other wives snitch on me for being up late, and going out after dark? When we reach his door I feel like my stomach is going to fall out of my butt. Dwight motions me towards the door with his hand, and with a slow anxious turn of my wrist I open the door

As I step in negan is standing in front of his desk, his back facing me, it looked as If he was fidgeting with something. He had shed his jacket, and was just wearing a white t- shirt, his jeans, and boots. His black hair looked a little unkempt, which honestly made him look more beautiful. I also couldn't help but notice the way his tanned bicepts were outlined in the shirt. I take a deep breath as he starts to speak.

"well hello doll." His gravely voice sounded deeper like he was sleepy. A jolt of excitement zipped through my body making my heart beat like a humming bird. 

"hey." I sit down on the couch " so why did you wanna see me?" I say trying to get straight the point. He picks up his glass of water, and starts pacing back and forth. 

"so be honest with me sweetheart." He says taking a swill of water. " it seems to bother you when I visit the other wives, am I right?" My heart sank. This is what I was drug out of bed for, to have my own agonizing jealousy rubbed in my face.

"ok seriously?" I shoot up from my seat. " this is what you wanted? I didn't think you would be the type to get back from a run at the wee hours of the night to wanna discuss feelings." I say harshly crossing my arms. Negan stopped, and turned to face me. He furrowed his brows.

"answer my fucking question." He growled

"yes it does it makes doing anything else impossible, because it's hard to think." I softened my tone realizing negan wasn't going to put up with my attitude. He smirked, and turned to grab something off his desk. 

"here." He said tossing something to me. " this should help." I catch something out of the air to see it was a pink ipod. I gasp as I looked it over it was in good condition with only a couple scratches over the shiny, metalic body. It even came with headphones. I look up at negan shocked

"where did you find this?!" I ask surprised " I haven't seen one of these on years." Negan sighed with annoyance at my question

"we scavaged a house on the way back there was what appeared to be a teenage girl's room on the top floor, I found it in there." He said flatly " with as young as you are I'm sure there is something on there you would like."  
It was kind of embarrassing to think that negan thought of me as childish in any way. " so how will I keep it charged, and won't the other wives be mad?" I asked with a hint of worry to my voice.

"you know I'd like to think I'd get a fucking thank you, instead of a bunch of pointless fucking questions." Negan sneered. " you are to only listen to it on nights when I visit the other wives, other than that keep it hidden if it needs charged bring it to me I don't wanna chance the others seeing it." He says forcefully, raising his eyebrows, pointing his index finger at me.

I glance from side to side "um ok." I say sweetly not wanting to annoy him further. He motions his head towards the door. "go now, it's late, I'm fucking tired, and don't feel like playing 20 fucking questions." He turns his back toward his desk, gathering up some sweat pants, and a clean shirt that I hadn't noticed before. I instantly feel bad for seeming so ungrateful. I cautiously take a step towards him, and brush his hard tattooed bicep with the tip of my finger. He stops what he's doing, and turns his head slightly in my direction.

"thank you." I say softly, our eyes meet. " I didn't mean to seem ungrateful." He gives a weak grin, and turns back to what he was doing. I turn, and head for the door I stop before I turn the knob to leave.

"I'm glad you are ok." I say never turning my back. "when I was woke up so suddenly I thought something was wrong." I choke back tears. I didnt wait for negans reaction I clasp the ipod tightly, and head back to my room for some much needed sleep.

 

I am awoken by the sun shining in my eyes, and sweat pouring down my chest. It was scorching hot in my room, and seemed to only be getting worse. I wipe the sweat from my chest, and push my side swept bangs that were stuck to my forehead to the side. I get out of bed, and look under my mattress to make sure my ipod was still there. I take it out, smile, and press it to my lips. I was hoping negan wasn't dying of heatstroke up in his room if it was hot down here it only had to be worse up there. I push the ipod back under the mattress, and walk over to my dresser to find some clothes to take a cool shower.

I enter the common room to find Noone there. They probably were outside finding some way to keep cool. I walk straight through, and into the hallway which felt cooler than the common room itself. Stepping on the cool, hard, concrete of the hallway was a slight relief from my sauna like surroundings. When I stepped outside heat waves seemed to be surging from the ground. I scanned the outside to see people not moving as much, but doing the best they could. I walk into the showers, quickly undress, and let a spray of water run on me not even wincing at its coldness. 

I shut the water off, and seemed to immediately get hot again. I dry myself, and slip into a white mini dress, letting my hair fall in waves until I had to put it up from it being to hot. I step back out, and head to the cafeteria for lunch. They had made vegetable soup today, even if it was a little to hot for it i wasn't gonna complain. I take my bowl, and scan the cafeteria I see sherry, and Emily sitting at a table near the window. I grin, and slide In next to them. 

"well look whos here to join the living." Emily giggles playfully slapping my shoulder. I smile back at her as I take my first bite of soup, and listen as they continue their conversation.

"I think the saviors are back I seen a couple of them around" Emily states matter of factly 

"yeah I think so too I haven't seen negan yet though I hope hes ok." Sherry says with concern washing over her face.

"he is." I cut in swallowing soup. " they got back late last night, and he seemed tired so he's probably sleeping." I look up from my bowl to see sherry, and Emily looking at me puzzled. 

"and how do you know? did you talk to him?" Sherry asks kind of accusingly. I glance back down to my bowl, my cheeks growing hot from realising the position I just put myself in. 

"well." I say trying to sound sure. " I went to the bathroom last night, and when I got back I could hear then talking out in the hallway through the common room door. Negan sounded really out of it." I say grinning confidently.

Emily, and sherry exchange glances, thankfully before anymore questions could be asked Jessica another wife, sits down with us 

"hey did you guys here the buzz about our crops." She started. " I guess they are starting to die because it hasn't rained in over 3 weeks now." 

"oh no." Emily gasps. " what are they going to do?" I zone out of their conversation, remembering it was Jessicas night, and she was the loudest. My heart sinks thinking about it, despite that I did like Jessica she was spunky, and always knew what the buzz was around the sanctuary. She was pretty too, pale creamy skin like mine, red hair, green eyes, and a flawless pixie face. After finishing my lunch I decide to get up, and find something do to for the day.

"I'll see you guys later." I say innocently getting up from the table, taking my bowl, and trying to avoid everyones prying eyes.

There was nothing to do for the rest of the day except swelter in the heat, and listen to people talk about our dying crops. I wish negan would give me a job I hated being so bored, and not only that I felt useless, and wanted to contribute in ways other than being negans eye candy. I would prefer to help look after the children, but hadnt bothered asking negan yet. I didn't know how he would react, or what the sanctuary would think of one of his wives working. I shrugged the thought off, noticing the sun going down, and the weather getting slightly cooler. I decide it's time to go listen to Jessica screech like a banshee. I get up to head back to my room.

I'm at the sink with my back turned when negan decides to make his entrance. I turn my head slightly when he walks in. Everyones happy to see him, and rushes to hug him. Negan of course basks in the attention, grinning arrogantly at his own self importance. I secretly roll my eyes, you'd think after all the attention he gets it would stop inflating his ego. I finally turn around, and he gives me a nod, I smile back, and head to my room to put that ipod to use..

I close the door behind me, walk up to mattress, and pull the ipod out. I sit on my bed, and insert only one earphone just in case someone came knocking, or something. I turn the ipod on, and raise my eyebrows in surprise. There were over 300 songs on here, and I liked most of them!! Which only confirmed negans thoughts of how teenage like I am. Maybe he knew me better than I thought. Before Jessicas shrieks of pleasure got too out of hand I selected a song. I didn't realize it then, but I was singing along louder than i thought I was

 

Every breath you take  
Every move you make  
Every bond you break  
Every step you take I'll be watching you

Every single day  
Every word you say  
Every game you play  
Every night you stay I'll be watching you 

Oh can't you see  
You belong to me  
How my poor heart aches with every step you take 

 

I listened to what seemed like the whole ipod seven times before the moaning faded away. Negan did have the right idea here cause even though I could hear some moaning it wasnt nearly as bad. I smiled to myself as I put the ipod away, and walked out of my room to join the others. I closed the door behind me, and turned around to once again be met with awkward stares. Why was this most of my life? Being looked at like I was a moron, or had two heads. 

"where you singing in there?" Emily asks puzzled. I nodded slowly. " you have a beautiful voice." Emily smiled. I immediately started laughing which emily seemed to take offense too.

"no you really do". Sherry chimed in. " it was really nice." I blushed, and scanned the room to see negan was already gone I sighed in disappointment.

"well thanks guys i." I was then cut off by the sound of thumping on the window. I look over at it, and see water hitting the window in fat droplets. It was raining!! I squeal in delight as I run outside, not caring about the rules. When I get outside the rain hitting my face was almost cleansing. It was cool, and seemed to take away all my troubles.  
I giggle as I catch droplets on my tounge, and jump in puddles even though it kinda hurt my feet. I danced, and twirled around as the rain soaked my hair, and white dress. My graceful twirling made my dress rise around me like a flower as I danced. The rain had soaked my dress to the point it was see through, but I didn't care. I felt carefree for once like all my agonizing feelings weren't there. As I got lost in my own world I didn't see negan watching me from his office window.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song she is singing is called I'll be watching you by Denmark and winter. I hope you all enjoyed please leave kudos and comments and again sorry for Grammer mistakes  
> Follow me on Tumblr if you'd like :) britbrat7502


	4. Our night

Tonight's the night. My synapses are firing in a fevered storm of manic activity, and at the center of the maelstrom is one thought. Negan. 

Was he going to make a move tonight? Was he gonna get fed up with me turning down his advances yet again? I paced the floor of my room chewing my nails as a hard knock on the door shook me from my thoughts. 

"Brittany?" Sherry opens the door, and peeks through. I give her a warm grin. "Hey you doing ok?" I nod. "Come on." She motions me with her hand. "Negan has given you a job." 

I suck in my breath, and my eyes get as wide as baseballs. "What, why?" I ask rushing toward her. "Did I do something wrong?" I grab her shoulders, digging my nails into her tender flesh as panic seared through me like a heat wave. "Is he leaving me?" I ask in almost a whisper fighting back tears. 

"No Brittany." Sherry says reassuringly, prying my hands from her shoulders. "He heard you wanted to contribute in more ways than being a wife, so he assigned you the job you wanted." I glance back, and forth feeling stupid for acting like such a spaz. 

"Oh." I say, reaching to rub the back of my neck. "Well cool let's get started." I smile. Sherry gives me an uncertain nod. As we start to head out of the common room, it hit me. 

"Wait a second." I say abruptly, whirling sherry around to look at me. 

"What?" Sherry says obviously exasperated. She crossed her arms. "You know you are going to be late, and you still gotta eat." 

"How did Negan know I wanted a job?" I raise my eyebrows, and sherry gives me a grin. 

"Well someone has to tell Negan what you want, cause you certainly won't." I feel my cheeks grow hot. I scowl at her 

"Hey." She says placing a hand on my arm. "I'm only making sure that you are happy". She gives me a weak grin. Realizing she was only looking out for me, I return her grin. 

"So what else have you told him?" I ask as we continue out the door. As sherry turns the nob, she turns her head to look at me over her shoulder, with a playful grin. 

"That I've never seen someone so madly in love with him." It felt like all the air had been squeezed from my windpipe. 

"WHAT?" I scream nearly falling over. Sherry bursts into a fit of laughter. 

"I'm kidding Britt, I swear." She says holding up a hand. I feel the color return to my face. 

"Don't kid like that." I say flatly. I push past her, trying to hide how flustered I was. 

"Why?" She asks following me. "I mean it's not like it's true, we all know you would never hide your feelings." She says with sarcasm lining her voice. I let a sigh pass my lips, and glance to my feet. 

"We can stop talking about it, I didn't mean to press into your boundaries." Sherry says sofly. I give her an unsure smile. 

"Thank you." I say in a hushed tone. She smiles back. 

We exit the building, and head toward the cafeteria to grab a quick breakfast. As I sit to eat with the other wives. I'm lost in thought as they chat amongst each other. Sherry had momentarily taken my mind off the fact that tonight was my night when she came in my room talking about my new job. I bite my bottom lip thinking about the many different ways tonight could go. I stand up to take my dishes back. As I leave the cafeteria sherry points to the building I'm assigned too. She bids me good luck, and heads back to our building holding a tray in her hands that I assume is for Negan. Despite how nervous I was the thought of seeing did make me smile. 

I walk into a dark grey building, down a long hallway, and finally reach a white room with a rainbow painted on the wall. There were toys, a few cribs, and changing tables, along with the shrieks of playing children that greeted my senses as I walked in. I smile.

"Hello are you Brittany?" I'm asked sweetly by a curly haired brunette who looked to be about 35. She had blue eyes, and round apple cheeks. Her long curly hair was pulled into a ponytail, and she had a little spit up on her shirt. I return her smile, and hold out my hand to shake hers. 

"Yes I am". She gives me a firm handshake. 

"I'm Ariel, and welcome we are glad to have you here." She says as a baby in one of the cribs starts to fuss. 

"Glad to be here, what can I do to help?" I ask over the crying. Ariel gives me a quick run down of where everything is, and tells me who everyone is. The baby in her arms looks like he's no older than a month. I hadnt seen a baby that young in ages. He was the only baby besides him there were 3 other toddlers 2 girls and a boy. 

"Is he hungry?" I ask over the baby's screams that were growing louder. 

"I think he may be, he doesn't need a new diaper." Ariel says growing more frazzled. I quickly rush over, and make a 4 oz bottle. I didn't know how much he ate at once but i assume a baby that small didn't take too much at a time. I run over to hand her the bottle as she tries calm the baby. The baby's agitation only seems to grow as she tries to feed him. She sets the bottle down, and buries her face in her hand. 

"Can I try?" I ask holding my arms out. She stands up, and places the little bundle in my arms. I look at his little pink face, button nose, blue eyes, and smile. He was so beautiful. I start rocking him back, and forth. Ssshing him he starts to calm down, and look at me. I start singing him a soft lullaby. His little eyes flutter, and it's not long before he's fast asleep. Ariel looks at me completely stunned.

"You are a natural sweetheart." She exclaims softly. "He's been so fussy since his mom passed". I snap my head up to look at her, sadness washing over my face. 

"What happened?" I barely manage to get out. Ariel motions for me to go sit with him in the rocking chair as she sets the toddlers down to color. Once the toddlers are busy coloring, she moves to join me. 

"Well". She starts quietly as she sits down quietly. "His mother had some complications during birth she was in labor for a couple days, we thought she wasn't gonna pass him through." I hold him closer to me as she continued. "When he finally came out I was relieved, but worried I had a feeling something was wrong." She looked at her thumbs she was nervously twirling around each other. "Her health just deteriorated over the next week." She said sadly. "I don't know what happened." 

I glance at the baby then back up at her. "Did you know her?" I ask standing up to lay the baby down in his crib. She nodded.

"We traveled around together, before we came here, she was already pregnant when Negan found us." Her voice seemed to fall when she mentioned Negan 

"What happened to his daddy?" I asked leaning against the crib. The question seemed to surprise Ariel. She sighed.

"He was killed by a walker, before we were found." She said avoiding eye contact. I felt this conversation was bothering her so I took it in a different direction. 

"What's the little guys name?" I ask cheerfully. Looking over to him sleeping in his crib.

"Joseph." Ariel said smiling. "He looks just like his dad in everyway". 

"I bet he does". I try to hide the sad tone in my voice. I look up at the clock, and its nearly lunch time. I'm sure the other little ones were getting hungry.

"Do you want me to get lunch for everybody?" I stand up, but Ariel shakes her head 

"Why don't you stay here with them." She says motioning for me to sit down. "The baby seems to have taken a liking to you I don't want him upset if you aren't here." Her saying that made me smile "do you want anything dear." 

"Um yeah sure." I nod smiling. "If it's not too much trouble." She waves her hand, and shakes her head.

"Not at all." She says heading out. "Be back in a min." I nod as she leaves. 

A couple mins after she leaves Joseph wakes up. I was helping the others was their hands for lunch. I finish with them, and sit them at the table. I pick up the baby ssshing him, I walk over pick up his bottle, and return to the rocking chair by his crib where he happily accepts the bottle this time. I smile down at him, singing, cooing as he ate when I'm interrupted by a shadow at door. 

"Well doll I see you seem to fit right in here." I gasp to see Negan leaning against the door. 

"You startled me." I say placing my hand over my heart. Negan chuckles as he walks over to me. The kids sitting at the table were watching him with wrapped attention. I pull the bottle out of Joseph mouth, and prop him over my shoulder to burp him. Joseph starts to whine.

"Sounds like he wasn't done with that." Negan states his eyes fixed on me. I try to avoid Negans gaze. 

"Yeah he wasn't, but if I don't burp him half way through it will upset his tummy." I say as he let's out a big burp making me giggle.

"You seem to know what you are doing sweetheart." I sit back down as Negan moves behind the chair.

"Youd make a good mother." He says leaning on the chair to look down at the baby as he continued eating. I smiled at the thought. 

"Maybe someday." I almost whisper. Realizing what I just said i turn my head to look at Negan who was smirking at me. He moved to where his lips were mere inches from mine.

"I can only hope so." He whispers. His breath hitting my lips making my heart pick up. I break the moment by standing up, and backing away. 

"Negan not here." I say with annoyance lining my voice. He chuckles.

"OK ok im sorry doll." He's obviously pleased with himself. I roll my eyes just as Ariel walks in with everyone's food. She stops in her tracks when she sees Negan looking at him with obvious fear, and anger in her eyes that made questions pop up in my head.

"Here let me help you." I say trying to ease the tension. I set Joseph, who had just finished his bottle in a bouncy seat. I grab some plates from Ariel, and serve the children who had luckily turned their attention on the little toys on the table. The tension in the room was making me uneasy. Negan gives Ariel a condescending smile as he walks towards the door. She doesn't take her eyes off him. When he reaches the door he raises his finger, and waves it in a "come here" motion. I walk up to him. My nerves becoming more on point with each step. When I reach him he smooths a strand of blonde hair behind my ear, and caresses my jaw line with his thumb.

"I'll see you tonight." He says smoothly raising his eyebrows. I bite my lip, and smile as I give him a nod. He turns to pick up Lucille who he had left by the door, and shoots me a wink as he walks off whistling with her resting on his shoulder.

I shiver, turning back around to go eat lunch as I sit down by Josephs bouncy seat with my sandwich Ariel sits down next to me looking concerned.

"You are one of them." She says in a quick hushed whisper. I'm a little startled that she's so surprised. I mean everyone around the sanctuary knew who his wives were. I swallow a bit of sandwich and nod.

Ariel takes a deep breath before continuing. "Listen I don't know anything about you, and his relationship, but please be careful." Her tone, and look in her eyes make my heart race with anxiety. "You are a sweet girl I don't want to see you hurt." She says in a tone that sounds like she's trying to fight back tears.

"I mean I'm not worried." I say confidently. "He treats us well". 

"Yes I'm sure he does, but he is who he is, I don't think anyone is immune to his wrath." She whispers urgently as if she was desperately wanting me to hear her. "Just don't fall to hard Brittany, please Id hate to see you hurt if he turns on you." She says squeezing my shoulder. I swallow hard, and nod slowly. We finish lunch in silence, as her warning plays over, and over in my head.

The rest of the day passes quickly, and my night with Negan approaches. All day long I can't get her warning, and the questions it brought out of my head. Did she know something I didnt? Did Negan do something to her? As the clock strikes five I finish up the last bit of stuff I had left. I made sure the children had dinner, and plenty of bottles were made for the baby. I wave a goodbye to Ariel, and head for a quick shower before it's time.

I'm back to pacing in my room, before Negan shows up. I'm dressed in a jean mini skirt, and gray cami. My blonde hair cascading in perfect waves off my creamy shoulders. My heart is pounding so hard I swear it's gonna jump out of chest. I stop as I hear the door knob turn. I swallow hard as Negan walks in. He closes the door, and he grins when he sees me.

"Well hello there sweetheart." He says giving my body the once over. He sets Lucille down by the door, and starts to walk towards me, but I take a timid step back. He raises an eyebrow. 

"Listen baby girl." The nickname makes my heart flutter. "I know you arent ready, so I'm not gonna fucking make you I never would that's not how I fucking role." He says with that smooth gravelly voice that makes my body turn against my mind.

"So how about we do this instead." He strides over to my ipod dock that he decided to let me have. He picks a slow romantic song, and extends a hand. 

"Will you dance with me darling." He grins at me. I nod slowly, and I take his hand shaking. He doesn't fail to notice. 

"Hey hey hey." He grabs my chin sofly to look at him. "It's OK doll." His eyes are burning into my mine, and it's making my body heat to a thousand degrees. "I'm not gonna hurt you." He whispers as we start to get closer.

Even though my mind is fighting me every step of the way, I feel my body start to relax. Despite Ariels warning I wanted to surrender. I wanted to fully give myself over to this beautiful, dangerous man. His smooth words make my body move on its own. His eyes that were looking as if they were staring into my soul soothed me. I take a deep breath. He smiles at me, takes my hands in his, and wraps them around his neck. He snakes his arms around my waist, as the space between us closes. I rest my head on his shoulder, as we swayed to the slow, soft, music. Our bodies seemed to be completely in sync. He caresses the side of my waist with his thumbs. The more he touched me the more I could feel myself giving in. He smelled like leather, scotch, and a sharp masculine cologne. His smell sent a bolt of heat down to my core that made me squirm a little. He chuckled silently. 

"Easy there darlin." He says softly running his leather gloved hand up my spine. I gasped, the cool leather sending goosebumps all over me. I try my best to fight my desires as they rise over me like flames of a fire that only seemed to get hotter. I slide my hands down the side of his arms feeling his biceps covered by the coolness of his leather. 

Another slow song came on, and we continued to dance. He moved his lips down to my neck, planting a kiss on my tender skin with his soft warm lips that were as smooth as velvet. I could feel my body completely taking over. I let out a soft moan in his ear.

"You like that princess?" He whispers kissing up my neck as his hands continued to explore my heated body. I bit my lip, and nodded. I could feel things spiraling out of control fast, but I didn't care my mind had lost all root in reality as my body did the talking for me.

"You are so beautiful baby girl." He purrs in my ear. "Please let me in, I would never hurt you, trust me." He nips at my ear, and I let out another moan. He moves my head to wear the only space between us now is centimeters between our lips. Feeling my soul surrendering completely I lean in.

We are abruptly taken back to reality with a loud bang at the door. Negan angrily snaps his head around.

"Oh this better be fucking good, or someone is getting fucking fed to the walkers." I'm taken back by his sudden change in form. I let go of him, and take a small step back. The door cracks open, and Dwight peeks through.

"I'm sorry Negan, but there's strangers at the front gate." Dwight says matter of factly. "They are armed I thought you'd wanna look at this" Negan closes his eyes, and sighs. 

"I'll be there in a minute." He says crossly. Dwight nods, and heads back out. Negan turns back to me.

"I'm sorry doll, but I gotta fucking go it seems no one knows how to handle anything around here." He slammed his fist into my dresser making me jump. I smile weakly, and nod. My mind is quickly catching up to the events that just took place seconds before.

"Rain check ok?" He says picking up Lucille. I don't say anything I just swallow. He kisses my forehead, and quickly strides out the door. 

I stand there tears pooling into my eyes, realizing the hold Negan had on me. I could no longer trust myself around him. It seemed no matter how hard my mind fought, my heart, and desires were beating it down. I sniffle as I let the tears fall thinking of the long hard battle that would always be raging inside me. The one between my mind.. and my heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all enjoyed I really would appreciate feedback. I've been on the fence about continuing lately. Once again sorry for Grammer mistakes, and feel free to follow me on Tumblr britbrat7502 :))


	5. Drinks and confessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brittany gets a little drunk, and confesses a few things

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for this short shitty chapter guys. I'm sorry I haven't updated in awhile cause I've had writers block so I broke the ice with this I hope it's some what enjoyable.

Negan had been locked in his office with those strangers for what seemed like forever. I sat in the common room, my eyes darting up to the ceiling like I was expecting to hear something. I didn't know what I was more shook up about, new people coming to the sanctuary, or the night we shared. I could slap myself for almost kissing him. I worry that since I've made a move negan would expect more now. what if I didn't live up to those expectations? Would he grow bored of me? Leave me? I know my body was ready to take it to the next level, but my mind was holding me back. I knew once that line was crossed there was no going back. 

I was taken from my thoughts by Sherry walking in the door. I stood up  
"So who are they?" I ask referring to the new people. She ran her fingers through her brown hair before she spoke 

"Two guys, and a woman." She stated pouring herself a glass of scotch. "They seem harmless enough, but negan wants us to avoid them til we know they can be trusted." She took a long drink. I nodded in agreement. I eyed Sherry's drink, realising I could use a sip I reach for it. She grins, and hands it to me. I down the rest of it as Sherry's eyes flash with shock. I hand the glass back to her for more. 

"Are you sure?" She asks as she reluctantly pours me another. I look at her with annoyance as she hands me the glass. I down my second with a quick few gulps 

"OK what's got you drinking?" She asks as I set the glass down. My eyes glance over to her as I reach for the bottle again.

"Hey!" She grabs my wrist. "Take it easy if you get alcohol poisoning it will be my ass." She looks at me sternly. I roll my eyes as I pour, and drink another glass. My insides felt like a warm bubble bath by now. I could feel my defenses slowly crumbling. 

"Negan, and I had a moment." I finally blurt out. Sherry looks at me intrigued 

"Go on." She says curiosity coursing through her voice. I pour another drink. I sigh as I gulp down another glass. 

"We almost kissed." I whisper giggling. Sherry looked dissapointed.

"Really?" She asks flatly. "I thought it would be alot juicier than that." My face fell I felt like a moron. 

"OK well just because I wasn't letting him pound me into next Tuesday, doesn't mean it wasn't big!" I whine stomping like a little kid. Sherry giggled 

"I think that alcohol has hit you now." She chuckles. I scowl at her.

"No it hasn't!" I say gulping down more before Sherry can stop me. She grabs the bottle from me.

"Brittany stop!" Sherry yells. "You've had enough." She put the bottle out of my reach. 

"You know." I burp as I sluggishly shake my finger at her. "I'm an adult, I can do what I want." I say as I slither to the couch. She rolls her eyes, and sits next to me. 

We sit there in silence, and I let the alcohol swim through my blood. I forget my troubles for a little bit until they all hit me at once, like having a piano dropped on me. I start crying into Sherry's lap.

"Sherry it hurts so bad." I blubber my tears soaking her dress. She strokes my hair.

"What hurts sweetie?" She says softly. I didn't know if she was being genuine, or trying to humor me, but I didn't care at the moment.

"Negan he's all I think about!" I sobb. "His essence runs through my soul!" I lift my head to look at her with a tear stained face. The room started spinning. I could see she was trying to hold back laughter at my last statement. I grab her shoulders.

"Don't laugh at me I'm serious!" I shriek as I melt into her like lava. She pats my back, and sighs. "I think I'm in love with him." I whisper. 

"Well duh." Sherry states nonchalantly. "We all knew that." I whip my head up to look at her. I narrow my eyes at her. 

"How long have you known?" I say angrily. Before she could answer me Negan opens the door, and comes in. Not fully aware of what I was doing I launch myself into his arms. 

"Negan!" I squeal as he catches me surprised. I nuzzle into his white T-shirt. 

"Uh hey doll." He says reluctantly. "You OK?" 

"I'm great." I look up at him, and giggle. "I missed you though." I say sweetly. Negan shoots Sherry a glare.

"I missed you too sweetheart, do you maybe wanna sit down?" He asks motioning towards the couch. I shake my head 

"No I'd rather stand, and hold you forever." I say squeezing him tighter. I could hear Sherry doing a face palm. 

Negan rubs the back of my head. I smile into him. 

"I'm so sorry I haven't had sex with you." I start to cry again. Negan sighs, and I take a step back. 

"It's OK doll." He starts before I cut him off. 

"I mean it's not that I don't find you attractive." I cry out. Negan raises an eyebrow.

"I mean you are hot as fuck, and you make me really wat." I stop and think for a minute. "I mean wet." I state. Negan burst into laughter, dropping to one knee using Lucille to hold his weight. 

"Why are you laughing at me." angrily crossing my arms I stomp towards him as he stands up.

"I'm trying to tell you that I'm in." But before I could spit it out I threw up all down the front of negans shirt, and jacket. I sink down to my hands, and knees throwing up again. The world had become a complete blur. 

"Shit." Negan shouts kneeling down next to me. "Sherry I need a bucket." He orders. I can see his white shirt next to me he must have taken it off. Sherry returns with the bucket placing it in front of me. I continue to throw up I think I can hear negan, and Sherry fighting but I wasn't sure. I feel negan slide his arms under me, and pick me up bridal style. He says one more thing to sherry, and next thing I know we are walking down the hall. I fall from consciousness as he kicks the door open to his office. 

 

I awake the next morning with sunlight shining like laser beams in my eyes, and a marching band playing inside my head. I moan, and roll over having no recollection of how I got here, or where I was. I rub the sheets I'm laying on, and I realize they are black silk. I lift my head slightly to realize I'm in negans room. I turn my head to the other side to see a couple pills, and some water sitting on a night stand. I take the pills, and swill the water down fiendishly. The water was really refreshing, and made me feel a little better instantly. I sit up a little, and see the other side of the bed untouched. I wonder where negan had slept. Where was negan anyway? I stand up and realize I am in one of his t shirts, and my panties. His t shirt was really over sized on my small body. I stand up still a little woozy to explore a bit.

Negan's room was beautiful. It was all black his bed was huge, and made for a king complete with a canopy, black silk sheets, and comforter. There was also a black dresser in front of the bed against the wall. A black night stand stood directly to the right of the bed, but other than that there wasn't much decoration in here. The office that was connected was more decorated. Which made sense cause no one else was in here but Negan himself. As I look around the room my memories seem to just snap back to me, and I feel a symphony of dread play on my heart. I didn't know what to be more mortified by the things I said, or throwing up on him. I fight back tears remembering what I had almost confessed to him. I decide to try to leave before negan came back, and started with his questions. I pick up my vomit covered clothes, and slowly turn the knob to peek into his office to make sure he wasn't there. Which he wasn't I tried to rush to the office door as quietly as I could. When I opened the door to leave there stood negan in a towel obviously freshly showered. My heart seized in my chest. He stepped in, and closed the door. My breathing picked up as I realised my only chance of escape was gone. It was just him, and me now.

"Hey darlin". He started with a smirk. "I think we need to talk."  
And at those words the only thing I could hear was my heart pounding in my chest.


End file.
